what if.

Happy birthday // 24 November 2014

7:47 AM

I'd realised slowly, though it was always a suspicion.

That as us young, gullible girls of this era,the internet has pose such a strong influence like of people sharing stories of strangers they met from friends or internet that are now still going strong has made us feel okay or even romantic to do that.

As our first young and stupid love with nothing else more than wanting to get a good Instagram picture of your sweet boyfriends, we tend to believe them and land ourselves in a heartbreak.

I am not saying anything.

Being naive, sometimes is good. And I believe what some people would yearn of.

However,nights like this, with the wind blowing and loneliness guffawing me, I wished I haven't met you. I wish I haven't got into this mess. In the earlier days, I wished we could have stayed longer more that you had treat me right.

Yet after all this lonely nights when I feel down for no reason at all, I'd realise the truth. There's no turning back. I had probably chose the same thing for it felt right at that time. All I am is that I am thankful for maturing (not enough apparently) from the hurt someone have given me. And anyone else,in fact. I am probably speaking this for everyone.

I have come to realise we all grow from the hurt we have dealt with.

The pain we have gone through make us cherish more of the people who are there for the thick and thin.

Well, maybe not quite.

A friend has just pointed a cruel fact.

That no one, ever , is gonna to be always there when you need them. Unless you are fortunate enough to not need them when they are not there. Lol whut?

My special friend for 11, almost 12 years made me realise this. It's true. She's tired and zombie like sometimes when I drag her out while she's busy rushing submissions. And there are times when she's busy or things that I can't say to her no matter how much I need a listening ear and vice versa. But the biggest difference I'd felt is that we will always understand.

Understand that our schedules may clash.

Understand that we may be busy and hence cherishing our moments together

Understand there's no "ugly side" cause we have already seen each other worse when we were small and find each other annoying

How as much grievances (there always is any point of the time) we still openly appreciate each other and know it's a blessing to have each other.

I am happy.

I am happy for the people who have hurt and betrayed me making me stronger today a girl who have developed her own thoughts.

For all the good and bad that I've become all through this.

And the lesson is simple. If you can't change yourself, then love yourself. Every bit and parcel. Every smile. Every tear.

And you start realizing you become more aware of the people who are still there or were once there. They have given you a great memory, one that is worth remembering and treasuring.

Blessed.

So as I head on to the 17th year. Happy Birthday to me.